Episode 128: Give More Than You Take

Give More Than You Take

How Integrity, Effort, and Self-Belief Shape Your Life

What kind of person are you teaching yourself to become?

Not tomorrow.

Today.

With the choices you make.

In this episode, Shane Jacob shares two observations from a recent trade show that led him to one powerful question:

What evidence are you giving your brain about who you believe you are?

The Hidden Cost of Doing the Bare Minimum

Most people think in terms of results.

More money.

More sales.

More recognition.

But what if the biggest result isn't the one outside of you?

What if it's the one happening inside of you?

When you're constantly asking:

What's in it for me?

Why should I work harder?

They're not paying me enough.

You may save yourself some effort today.

But what are you teaching yourself about yourself?

What Integrity Really Gives You

At the trade show, several vendors suggested a way to make a little more money.

Cut out the people who brought everyone together.

Bypass the system.

Keep a little extra for yourself.

Maybe you make a little more money.

Maybe nobody finds out.

But what did you just tell yourself about yourself?

If integrity matters to you, your brain knows when you violate it.

And your brain is always paying attention.

Give More Than You Take

Most people keep score.

In business.

At work.

Even in relationships.

I gave this.

They gave that.

I shouldn't have to do more.

But scorekeeping creates a problem.

Everyone thinks they're giving more than they're getting.

Everyone thinks somebody else owes them.

And before long, nobody is focused on being exceptional.

Your Employer Can't Pay You to Be Exceptional.

Exceptional people do something different.

They give more than they take.

They make the extra call.

They ask the extra question.

They put in the extra effort.

They go the extra mile.

And it shows.

Better relationships.

Better performance.

Better results.

The Biggest Payoff Has Nothing to Do With Money

Yes, giving more than you take can help you earn more.

It can help you get promoted.

It can help you create better outcomes.

But Shane believes the greatest payoff is much bigger than that.

Every time you give more than you take, your brain receives evidence.

Evidence that:

I go for it.

I do more than average.

I live with integrity.

I am capable.

I am exceptional.

Those beliefs influence everything else in your life.

Your Value Is Already 100%

Being honest does not increase your value.

Working harder does not increase your value.

Giving more than you take does not increase your value.

Your value is already perfect.

Nothing you do can make you worth more.

Nothing you do can make you worth less.

But your actions can influence what you believe about yourself.

And what you believe about yourself affects how you feel, how you behave, and the results you create.

Don't Just Get Through Your Life

Life is short.

We only get so many chances.

So many opportunities.

So many decisions.

You can spend your life trying to get through the day.

Or you can choose to show up differently.

In this episode, Shane shares the connection between integrity, effort, self-worth, and the beliefs that shape your future.

Because the real question isn't whether you're valuable.

The real question is whether you're living in a way that helps you believe it.

Learn more about Shane Jacob's keynotes and training at shanejacob.com.

Episode 128 Full Transcript: Give More Than You Take

Transcript Introduction

Welcome to this episode of the How People Work Podcast. My name is Shane Jacob, and I thank you for taking your time to be here with me today. We're talking about giving more than you take today, and you know I just got back from a trade show in Utah.

What I Saw at the IFA Trade Show in Layton, Utah

I just got back from the IFA, that would be Intermountain Farmers Association trade show in Layton, Utah, where there was about 200 vendors. And they had aisles and aisles of companies displaying their products. Is what that vendor show looked like. And they were talking to independent dealers for Intermountain farmers like me, like me and my horse feed company here in Las Vegas, Nevada.

My wife and I, Melissa, went booth to booth talking to people for a day and a half, and I came away from that event with a lot of observations, but two observations that seem very different, and they, they have a lot of differences, but they're connected, okay, because they have one common thread. See, I believe that there is one thing that has more impact on our, on the results of our lifetime than any other thing, and that is, with the exception of our belief in God, I believe that the one thing that is going to have more impact in the results of our lifetime is what we believe to be true about ourselves.

The One Belief That Changes Your Life Results

Okay? And what I'm talking about specifically is what we believe to be true about our own value. Not our own value in dollars, our own value, in other words, in other, our own worth. Okay.

And what I saw made me think about a question, and that question is, is what evidence are we giving our own brain every day about the kind of person that we believe we are? That's kind of a complicated question, but here's, here's what I mean. Let me, let me try to be a, a little more clear.

What I'm saying is that nothing that you do or don't do is gonna change your value, okay, no matter what you do. No matter whether you do something you judge to be wrong, or something against your values, or something that is amazing, you're still gonna be, according to me, a hundred percent valuable. Nothing can ever change that.

Why Your Brain Needs Evidence About Your Worth

But your brain, on the other hand, a lot of times, most of the time, and if you don't take an intentional action, all the time, is gonna believe that you're a little bit less than, that you're a little bit deficient. And so if you do certain activities, or if you do certain actions and make certain decisions, it helps provide evidence for your brain to help you change your belief from I'm not quite good enough to I am 100% worthy, valuable, deserving, observing, lovable, all of that.

Okay, it helps. Your brain needs evidence to be able to accept that belief. And that belief is a choice. And by doing certain actions, it helps us to get that way.

Anyway, while I'm at the conference, I'm making, I hope that made sense. While I'm at the conference, I made two basic big observations.

Observation One: The Vendors Who Wanted Me to Cut Out IFA

Number one is that I observed that there were people who were suggesting that I could make a little bit more money by cutting out the people who brought us together, by bypassing IFA, Intermountain Farmers Association, and going direct through their companies.

IFA pays the expense. They did the work to bring the dealers and manufacturers together. Without IFA, I wouldn't have met these vendors. IFA spent a lot of time and money to, to do this.

They set up and paid for the entire conference. They paid for our meals. They paid for our hotels to bring us together. And then these vendors, three of them actually, suggested that I buy, bypass IFA and buy directly from them, basically cut IFA out of the equation, so we both make a little bit more money.

And my reaction is, is that I believe that that goes against my values. To me, that is 100% dishonest. IFA created the opportunity. They paid, like I said, they paid for the expense, they established the relationship, they brought us together, and then we're gonna secret, secretly go around them and cheat them out of a little bit of a margin.

Alley Trading at the Horse Auction Taught Me the Same Lesson

You know, I've experienced that same type of thing in the auction business when I had Vegas Valley Horse Auction. You know, a, a seller would bring a horse to the sale, and then, and we would bring buyers and sellers together, and then rather, and then they would talk to each other, and then rather than sell the horse at the, through the auction, they would, what do, what they call alley trading, and they would, you know, deal separately by themselves outside of the auction and cut us out of the commission.

And so I've had that happen to me, and so that's why I understand what's going on, and that's one of the reasons why I recognize the dishonesty and how and why it goes against my values.

It Was Never About the Money

The interesting part to me wasn't the money, because maybe, yeah, you're gonna make a little bit more money if we were to cut out IFA and if I were to go direct to some of these manufacturers. And in some regards, that could be considered a positive result. I would have an immediate positive result, because I could almost immediately make a little bit more money on some of these products.

But the question is, by doing so, what am I telling myself about me? Okay? And if honesty and integrity are values that are values of yours, and if you violate them, your brain knows it. Okay? Your brain knows it.

And your brain starts having thoughts like, hey, you shouldn't be doing this. This is wrong. I'm causing somebody else to suffer, to lose. I'm violating the trust of somebody I value. And because of these thoughts, okay.

What Happens When You Violate Your Own Values

We don't feel good. And then we don't feel good, and we know we're doing wrong, so then we don't know what to do, so then we try to justify. We try to pay, it's, you know, the other, you know, we come up with a whole bunch of reasons for our bad behavior, excuses really. And the little bit of money that we made starts looking pretty pathetic compared with the long-term effect of how you're learning to think about yourself, okay.

Your Behavior Does Not Determine Your Value

Now, I want to say this again. Your behavior, this is an important part. Your behavior does not determine your value. Okay?

If you run around cheating, stealing from people, you're still a, you're still a hundred percent value if you're, if it's me you're talking to. The way I view you, whether, and by the way, why don't you just be on, let's, shall we? Should we, should we be honest today?

They Only Made One Perfect One

You're not a hundred percent honest anyway. Neither am I a hundred percent all the time with myself and the entire world all the time. Or, you know, perfect, have perfect integrity, okay?

Like my friend Wayne Nielsen used to say, when people would be talking about their horses, we'd be out shoeing horses together, and Wayne Nelson was a farrier, and I was, I was apprenticing him, with him and working together with Wayne. And we'd be out shoeing horses together, and somebody, a client, a horse owner would ask a question about a, a, a defect or a deformity or a, anything, just ask a question about what's going on with their horse and about a crooked leg or that, or usually it was something, something that they were concerned about that didn't look normal, and my friend Wayne would say, well, they only made one perfect one and they nailed him to a cross.

What he meant by that is that we're all imperfect, basically, is what he meant. And so I wanna, I just wanna make that important distinction, that behavior does not determine value. Okay? But what I am saying, I want to be clear about this.

Every Human Being Has Perfect Value

You're still invaluable if you lie and cheat and steal. Okay? Nothing's gonna change your worth. Every human being has perfect value. Okay?

And, and, and being honest doesn't increase your value. Being dishonest doesn't decrease it. Your value is just a hundred percent. As a human being, you're worth a, your worthiness is a hundred percent.

The issue I'm talking about is what your brain believes about your value, because if your thoughts, if you don't believe what I just said, if you think that because you're dishonest, that you suck as a human being, you're deficient, you're not as good as, you're, you're less than in some way, then you believe that you're less than, then that causes feelings, that cause you to act in a certain way that take you down roads that you really, they're just not real where you want to be.

And I want you to feel worthy. I want you to feel 100%. I want you to believe that you are invaluable. Because what you believe about yourself has an enormous impact on what you do and on the results that you create.

The Real Reason to Be Honest

So that's about one observation, is, is, is just being honest and why to be honest. You know, there's lots of incentives to be dishonest, there's lots of incentives to be dishonest. But I think that the biggest incentive to be honest, to be honest and to operate from integrity, is that we are training our brain to, to believe that we are invaluable, we are amazing, that we live consistent with our values, and that we are extraordinary. Okay?

Observation Two: A Lot of People Just Trying to Get By

Number two. The other observation I made up there, besides some people were leaning towards some dishonest behavior, was that I saw a lot of people just trying to get by. You know, just trying to get through the day. As my wife, Melissa, and I, you know, just went, continued to go from booth to booth to booth.

One of the first things I noticed, a couple of things. First of all, there wasn't a lot of exceptional salespeople. Hardly anybody asked us about us. They had a lot to say about them and their products and, and go through every single page of your pet catalog, but nobody asked us, hey, what are you here for?

Hardly Anybody Asked What the Customer Wanted

For, what are you interested, not nobody, but not very many people. What are you here for? What are you interested in? How can I help you? Instead, they just talked forever about, you know, the ingredients of their feed supplement or all kinds of formulas and ingredients I don't even know about. Very little awareness about the, what the potential customer actually wanted.

You know, they're just talking about themselves and their company. But there was something bigger underneath that, and that is, when I started asking people about themselves and their companies, I got a general sense of, you know, well, I really don't like going to these conferences, it's a lot of work. Some people said I've been doing this for a long time, some people said I'm tired, I'm here 'cause I have to be, you know, just trying to get through the show.

I just thought, saw a, like a lot of apathy, not from everybody, just a general sense from a lot of people. Not a lot of extra effort going on here, okay?

Not a Lot of Desire to Be Exceptional

A lot of desire to be exceptional, okay. More people were concerned about how tired they were, how far they traveled, you know, how long they had to be in the booth, and you know, setting up and tearing down and the amount of travel that they had in their lifetime. And you know, I, the sense I got was, is that I'm not endeavoring to be exceptional. I'm just trying to get by, get through the day, get through the show.

JJ Martinez and the Message to Give More Than You Take

And then I thought about JJ Martinez. Now, Melissa and I, my wife Melissa and I own a company called Cowboy Cuffs. It's about to launch. Did I just say lunch? That's about to launch, with our amazing Cowboy Cuff shirts that I do not have on today, but a lot of times do.

And we have four at Cowboy Cuffs, we have four riders for the brand who represent foundational messages that are connected with the company. And JJ Martinez is one of our riders for the brand. She's, she represents a company for us, and her foundational message and her collection of her shirts, the message that's connected to those, to her and those shirts, are, is to Give More Than You Take. Okay?

Why Keeping Score in Relationships Doesn't Work

Now that sounds really simple, you know, but just think about what that actually means. Why would you give more than you take? A lot of relationships operations, excuse me, a lot of, what am I trying to say here? A lot of relationships operate from the idea of, hey, I'll give you this much because, or I'll give you this because you gave me that. And why should I do more when I'm only getting this?

You know, or a lot of times employer employee relationships have thoughts like, you know, they're not paying me enough to work that hard, or what's in it for me, or, you know, I think that we know that give and take scorecarding, you know, scorekeeping in relationships doesn't work very well. It certainly doesn't work well in marriages. And I'm here to tell you it doesn't work at work either. It just doesn't work in relationships.

The problem is, is both sides believe that they're contributing more than they're giving. Okay, and so if you operate from I'm only gonna give to what I get, rather than give more than you, give more than you take, then both sides are constantly thinking that they're given more than they're receiving. The emplo, in the employer relationships, the employer thinks that they're given more, the employee thinks that they're given more, and now we're arguing over, you know, who owes who, right? And really nobody's doing anything and nothing's happening, not very much.

Your Employer Can Pay for Your Time, Not for You to Be Exceptional

Your employer can pay you for your time, but they can't pay you to be exceptional. Now, employers can formulate good agreements and clear expectations, and all that matters, but no employment agreement can cover every single detail of, you know, can be specific enough to cover all of the attitude, to cover all, every customer interaction, to cover every opportunity to do a little bit more.

Okay, you know, I can pay you to the trade show, but I can't force you to want to be exceptional when you get there. That part has to come from inside of you. So you know, and we get to decide.

You get to decide in life if you're gonna do the bare minimum, if you're gonna get through the day, or if you're gonna give more than you take. You can spend your life going around asking, hey, what am I gonna get for this? Why should I, why should I try that hard? You know, they're only paying me this much.

Or you can decide, I'm gonna give more than I take. And really, why would you? Okay.

The Immediate Result of Giving More Than You Take

And here's why I think that this decision matters so much. First, you're gonna get an immediate result. What I mean by that is, see what happens in your marriage if you start giving. Just do, just say, you know what, I don't really feel like this. I feel, don't feel like, you know, that I owe this, or that I, I feel like I'm getting less, then why would I, you know, contribute more? But just do something and see.

You'll, you will see the immediate result in that, in your re, relationship. I can just about guarantee it, unless your relationship is just so destroyed that the trust level is so low that they think that the other side of your equation, your relationship there, thinks that you're being manipulative. But if they trust you enough to see that you're being sincere, and by the way, be sincere, please. You need to be sincere, but if you are, and that's accepted as truth, see what the, you'll get the immediate result. Okay.

The Exceptional People at the Show Got Better Results

And there was a few exceptional people at this trade show. There really were. I'm just talking about the overall, were not the majority, okay. There were better salespeople, more energetic people putting in effort and trying to connect and trying to be the best that they can, good, and getting, understanding the customer, and, and guess what, those people that were going for it, they made more sales, they got more orders, they produced better results than their, then for their companies, and their company can see the immediate result of that extra effort too.

So when you give more than you take, you're gonna see almost an immediate result. Your relationship is gonna strengthen. At work, you're gonna have better results. You, before long, well, this might not be immediate, but you'll probably be noticed, and you'll probably, you know, end up being compensated for the added value that you're bringing, hopefully.

And if you're not, you're gonna increase your own personal value, and you're gonna look at yourself and say, hey, if they're not gonna compensate me for as much, because I'm really going for it, I'm, I give more than I take 24/7, and if you feel that they don't, then you can move on, okay, because you're valuable and you know you're valuable. So you get an immediate result, you get an immediate result, okay, in a relationship, or even whether that's at work or whatever, and the company can see the immediate result of your extra effort, and usually they're willing to compensate you for that, at added value.

The Biggest Payoff Happens Inside of You

But see, I, that, to me, that's not the biggest value, okay. The biggest payoff for giving more than you take, the biggest result, happens inside of you. Okay? Because every time that you give more than you take, your brain receives evidence about who you are, what kind of a person that you are.

And your thoughts that you have around this might be something like: I go the extra mile, I do more than average, I am a high achiever, I'm going for my potential, I'm giving it all I got, I'm not going to leave anything on the table. I am outstanding. You know, and these are examples of thoughts that your brain is automatically going to have, or that will be conscious thoughts, or some will just be running in the background.

When the Belief Strengthens, Your Results Change

And these are just examples. I don't know. You're, you'll have your own thoughts, but you will mo, your brain normally is, when you're do, giving more than you take on purpose, is going to have thoughts like that.

That changes how you feel. It provides evidence for your brain, and so you start to become and feel and believe that you are more and more and more valuable and worthy and lovable and deserving and all of that, and that, as you, as you, as you enter, what am I trying to say here, I'm looking for a word, as you, as you really, is that belief strengthens inside of you? Is that belief, as the belief about yourself changes, the results in your life change. Okay? That's just how it rolls.

This Is Way Bigger Than Getting a Raise

This is way bigger than getting a raise. If you, if you give more that you take as employee, yes, your company benefits because you're producing more, but you become more valuable to the company, you're likely to earn more. And if you're genuinely producing exceptional value in your company, like I said, if they don't recognize it, you'll know what you're capable of. You'll recognize your value to an employer, or you can take it, you know, take your value, like I said, somewhere else.

But that's not the biggest result. The biggest result, like I said, is what you're training yourself to believe about yourself, and as you increase, enter, as you enter, I almost had the word I was looking for, as we, as you accept, or as you increasingly believe that you are exceptional, that you are capable, that you're somebody who goes for it, that you're somebody who gives more, that changes how you show up for the rest of your life. It changes your future results, and it increases what you're able to contribute to yourself and to the people that you love, okay? And to the world.

How Honesty and Giving Build the Belief

Because as I believe about me, and I can do that by doing things like operating from integrity. Choosing to be honest as much as possible. Okay? And recognizing when I'm not, that that's still okay. But, you know, making repair and moving towards honesty.

The more and more I operate from honesty and integrity, and the more and more that I give more than I take, the more and more that I give more than I take, I am providing evidence to my brain, to my subconscious, that I am extremely extraordinary, that I am exceptional. And my brain starts to believe I'm more and more worthy, I'm more and more valuable, I'm more and more deserving and lovable.

And as that, as I, in, I still can't find the word I'm looking for, but I'm getting closer. As I internalize, that's the word I was looking for. As I internalize these ideas, as I come to believe them and strengthen those beliefs and develop those beliefs into solid core, to where I, that just, think it's a matter of fact that that's the way I am, that's the way I roll.

And as that happens, not only do I improve what I believe to be true about myself, I, which equals I have better results for myself, but then I have increased my capacity to be able to give and support other people and make my contribution to the world.

What Evidence Are You Giving Your Brain?

Now, the both of those two things, doing the bare minimum and being dishonest, you know, maybe you're saying, gonna save yourself a little bit of effort today if you tell yourself that they're not paying you enough, and why would I do more? And what's in it for me? And, you know, but what evidence are you giving your brain?

Okay, and then give more than you take. Yes, it's gonna require more effort, and there might be a little bit of discomfort in it, but every time that you give more than you take, you're giving your brain evidence that the person that you're choosing to be. Okay? And that's the part that I don't want you to miss.

Life as a Trade Show

Because see, you're, no matter which way you choose to go about this, whether you show up at the, at the conference in of life, we'll call it, and you show up as the salesperson in the, in the, if you show up as the vendor in the, in your display that is a great salesman, and you're given all that you got and you're a hundred percent, you're all in, or if you're just trying to measure what you're getting and make sure that you're not giving more than what you're getting.

No matter what the, no matter what you, where you choose to be in that, in life. This is, I make an analogy of your life as if, you know, life was a, a conference where you were a salesperson at a, at a, at a trade show. No matter what you do, whether you're at a trade show or not, your value is already perfect. Okay?

But your belief about your value, me included, a lot of times, isn't already perfect. And so that's why giving more than you take and operating for an integrity, it helps you to assimilate, internalize that, and believe and come to believe those thoughts like the facts.

Giving More Doesn't Make You More Valuable Than the Next Guy

Giving more than you take does not make you more valuable than the next guy. Being honest does not make you more valuable. Okay, your value is already perfect.

Okay, these decisions change is what you believe it to be true about yourself, okay, and then that's gonna change how you feel about yourself, which changes how you act and how you behave, what you pursue, what you contribute, and what results you create.

You Only Get to Make So Many of These Decisions

And so, you know, if I asked you if you just wanted to get through life and get by, or, you know, it seems like that these are little decisions to give more, but you only get to make so many of them. Okay? You only get to make so many of these decisions. You only get to make a stand so many days. So many days.

And you only get to breathe for so long. I had a cousin that passed away yesterday afternoon who was younger than me. And that causes me to remember that life is precious and life is short. And I don't, I don't wanna spend the time that I have just getting through the show.

I Want to Live on Purpose With the Time I Have Left

Just getting through the workday, you know, just doing enough. Just measuring what I'm getting versus against what I'm giving. Okay. I want to live on purpose with the time that I have left to breathe.

And I want to give it all. So I can get it all. And so I can give more to the people that I love and make my contribution to the world. And I want that for you. I want you to have all that you want. And the people that you love to have all that they want.

Consider JJ's Advice to Give More Than You Take

And so I, I hope that you consider what I'm talking about here, here today, and consider JJ's advice to give more than you take. Not because it changes your value, remember, but because, but because of what choosing to live that way can teach you to believe about yourself, and what those beliefs can make possible in your life.

Your Value Is 100% and Non-Negotiable

And if you, if you remember nothing else from me ever, ever, ever, ever, just would you do me a favor? Remember this one thing, okay? And that is, no matter what you do or don't do, okay, no matter what you've done or not done, and regardless of what has been done to you, your value is 100%. Your value is non-negotiable. Stay with me, my friends.

Transcript Summary

Shane Jacob just got back from a trade show with 200 vendors, and two things he saw there turned into the same lesson. Some people wanted to cut out the company that brought everyone together. A lot of other people were just trying to get through the day. Neither one changes your value, because your value is already 100%. But both of them change what your brain believes about you. This episode is about giving more than you take and the evidence you hand your brain every single day.