The Declaration of Significance

Updated On

January 20, 2026

The Declaration of Significance

Why separating behavior from self-worth changes everything

Two weeks can change everything.

A couple of weeks ago, I got a call from a friend I hadn’t talked to in a while. He was sitting on a curb outside a Burger King, using their free Wi-Fi because he didn’t have a dollar to his name. He had just gotten out of alcohol rehab. He was hoping to get a job the next day. He needed a few bucks for a motel room so he wouldn’t sleep outside.

I sent him the money. We talked for a bit. What stayed with me wasn’t the situation, it was how he talked about himself. He sounded defeated. Ashamed. Like he believed something was fundamentally wrong with him.

After we hung up, I sent him a message. It said:

“When you figure out you’re not defective as a human being, you’ll be happier. I have faith in you.”

He sent back a heart emoji.

Two weeks later, I got another call. He had passed away.

I don’t know every detail of what happened. But I know this much: alcohol was part of it, and so was how he felt about himself. And that matters more than most people realize.

Every Human Being Has Emotional Needs

As I was working horses a couple of days later, doing what I’ve done for decades, my mind kept going back to that conversation.

And what hit me was this:

Every one of us has emotional needs. No exceptions.

We need to feel:

Significant
Accepted
Like we matter
Like we belong
Like we’re connected to something and someone

When those needs are met, we’re more stable. When they aren’t, things start to break down, sometimes slowly, sometimes fast.

What We Do When We Don’t Feel “Enough”

When people don’t feel good about themselves, they don’t usually say it out loud. It shows up in behavior.

The “Over” Problem

We overdrink.
We overeat.
We overwork.
We overconsume media.
We overspend.

All of it is an attempt to feel better, to quiet something inside that doesn’t feel settled.

I did this for years. Decades, really. And I wasn’t sitting around thinking; I’m trying to fill an emotional hole. I thought I was fine. Most people do.

That’s how this works. It happens in the background unless you slow down enough to look at it.

Defensiveness, Control, and Conflict

When we don’t value ourselves, other patterns show up:

We get defensive
We lash out
We criticize and judge
We always have to be right
We hurt the people closest to us

And we tell ourselves it’s because of what they did.

It’s not.

It’s about what’s going on inside us.

The Default Setting of the Human Mind

Here’s something most people don’t understand:

If you don’t intentionally decide what you believe about your value, your mind will decide for you.

And the default setting is inadequacy.

Your brain will quietly tell you:

You don’t quite measure up
People like you get results like this
You’re just a little less than

That internal story drives behavior. And behavior drives results.

This isn’t a one-time issue. This is ongoing for every human being. The relationship you have with yourself is a relationship. It requires attention.

Behavior and Value Are Not the Same Thing

This is the line most people never draw clearly enough.

Your behavior is not your value.

Let me be very clear about what I am and am not saying.

What This Does NOT Mean

This does not mean:

Your actions don’t have consequences
You don’t need to take responsibility
You don’t need to make things right where you can
You get a free pass to hurt people

None of that.

You will do things you regret. You will feel shame, guilt, and remorse. Some mistakes are accidental. Some are not.

That’s part of being human.

What This DOES Mean

It means this:

Nothing you have done or failed to do has the power to change your value as a human being.

Nothing that has been done to you changes it either.

Your value was never broken.
Never deficient.
Never up for debate.

When you truly understand that, something changes.

People who know their value clean up their messes more effectively. They take responsibility without self-destruction. They learn. They adjust. They move forward without dragging a life long sentence ofself-contempt behind them.

Why People Spend Their Lives Proving What Was Never Broken

Here’s the tragedy I’ve seen both in my own life and in countless others.

People spend their gifts, energy, and years trying to prove they’re worthy of something they already have.

They try to earn value.
They try to achieve value.
They try to prove value.

And in the process, they burn themselves out, damage relationships, and miss the life they could have lived.

You don’t need to prove your value.
You need to accept it.

Choosing Your Thoughts Changes Your Experience

Emotional needs are feelings.
Feelings come from thoughts.

That means you are not powerless here.

Most people don’t know they get to choose whether they believe:

They matter
They belong
They are worthy
They are enough

Nothing outside of you is deciding that. No event. No failure. No person.

You decide.

And yes, it takes effort. It takes awareness. It takesrepetition. This is not a “check the box and move on” idea. This is a lifetime practice.

The Declaration of Significance

After my friend passed away, I sat down and wrote something. Not as an ending, but as a beginning.

I call it The Declaration of Significance.

Here it is:

I do solemnly swear with all that I hold dear, to do my best, to embrace the truth that my behavior has no effect on my value, that my invaluable worth is inherent, and that nothing I have done or not done, and nothing that has been done to me, has or ever will change this certain fact. My value is non-negotiable.

It’s a commitment. A reminder. A line in the sand.