Feeling stuck in worry? This episode shares a proven three-step formula to get unstuck and take action.

Welcome to The Horsemanship Journey Podcast

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this episode of The Horsemanship Journey Podcast. My name is Shane Jacob your host. And I appreciate you taking your time to be here with me today.

The Horsemanship Journey helps parents and teens reduce anxiety, stress, and depression, and increases self-confidence, self-esteem, and hope. We do that by using horses or using lessons that horses demonstrate that we've learned from horses.

The Truth About Worrying

Today, I’ve got a subject on today’s agenda. I wanted to talk to you today about worrying. Worrying is... you know, we all worry about something to some extent. And a lot of times, we're not really aware of worrying, or sometimes people can see that we're worrying, like, "Hey, what's wrong with you?" And we're like, "Well, I'm worried about, you know, X, Y,Z."

We say that as if, you know, maybe it's a badge of honor or we're just stating a fact of the way that it is. But a lot of times, we just kind of accept it—that worrying is a part of life, or that it's okay, or that we should be doing it.

Like I said, a badge of honor, meaning that if we are worrying, that shows that we're expressing concern for something and that, you know, it's okay to be doing. And I’m going to suggest to you that it's not. As a matter of fact, worry is a misuse of time.

Worry Is a Misuse of Time

I had a friend that I learned a lot of things from when I was a young man. His name was Ron Chomko. I don’t know... shout out to Ron Chomko if you’re still around, brother. He was from Broomfield, Colorado. And he told me when I was a young man that worry was a misuse of time. He also told me he didn’t invent it, but he gave me the formula to stop worrying.

I’ve been able to use that formula periodically throughout my life when I've recognized that I’ve been excessively worrying about stuff, and it works.

What Is Worrying?

Okay, stop worrying. So I’m going to give you the steps to stop worrying today. But the thing of it is... okay, so let’s just talk a little bit about what even worrying is. Okay, let’s just be clear on that and let’s make a definition for it.

Worrying is undesirable thoughts about the future. Okay, it’s thinking thoughts about things that we don’t want to have happen but could happen in the future.

Okay, I’ll say it again: Worrying is thinking thoughts about things that we don’t want to have happen but could happen in the future.

How to Recognize Worrying

Okay, let’s talk a little bit about recognizing when you're worrying. A lot of times, we just do it so much that it becomes a part of what we do, and we don't really recognize it. Or maybe, if we do, we don't want to do anything about it.

First of all, let’s recognize it. One thing that happens is you’re usually frozen. Okay, you’re just frozen, kind of like you feel like you’re frozen in time. Your mind is just ruminating and you're sometimes recycling the same thought again and again. Or else, you're going through all different kinds of scenarios that could happen, and none of them are things that you want to have happen.

Okay, this is worrying. You feel stressed out. In my mind, I feel tenseness in my head. Sometimes, I get a headache. I’m just like, "Ah!" I feel all this tenseness, almost clenching my fists. I get a headache and I can just feel tense. I feel anxious. Sometimes, your breathing changes and it's an uncomfortable feeling.

So just that alone—you think that we want to... But sometimes, we get stuck in this uncomfortable place, and actually, it can become a comfortable place to be because we don’t have to take any action. The uncomfortable strain of it all becomes something we get used to and we accept.

So, first of all, recognize it. If you feel these things and can recognize it, and you can become aware that you're thinking thoughts or replaying thoughts about things that you don’t want to have happen but could happen in the future, then you’re worried.

The Health Effects of Worry

Okay, so why did Ron say that it's a misuse of time? There are many reasons. And number one is, there are serious health consequences.

There was an article... I’m going to find it here... it’s an article that was published in the National...

The Library of Medicine published an article titled The Effects of Worrying in Daily Life. This article stated that research has shown that worry and prolonged thought processes have been linked to negative health effects including coronary heart disease, heightened cortisol response, lowered immune reaction, and sleep problems.

Okay, this is just to name a few. The thing is, worrying can lead to worse things—worse mental health issues like depression, anxiety, overwhelm, and other personality disorders.

So, in terms of mental health, they talk about the cardiovascular system, where you can increase your risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, heart attacks, and strokes. The digestive system can also be affected, causing heartburn, acid reflux, diarrhea, constipation, nausea, vomiting, and stomachaches.

And if that’s not enough, worrying can cause headaches. Like I said, it causes me headaches sometimes. It can also cause back and shoulder pain, body aches. Your immune system is going to be compromised. Worrying can weaken your immune system and reduce your body's response to foreign invaders.

The reproductive system—this may be important to you. It’s important to me. Worrying can affect menstruation cycles, cause irregular, heavier, more painful periods, increase physical symptoms of menopause, and have a negative impact on men’s impotence.

Then there are the skin and hair issues, and sleep problems. Worrying can cause sleep problems.

Weight—talk about obesity. Worrying can lead to weight gain or weight loss. Excessive worrying can lead to weight issues as well.

There are just so many negative side effects. I’m really trying to make the case that this is a serious thing. And so, if you want to do something about it, you can. Like I said, I’m going to give you the three-step formula to stop worrying.

Worry Affects Relationship and Productivity

Worrying also affects the people around us. When we’re checked out, you know, when our thoughts are in the future and we're not living in the present moment, it impacts others.

So when I say "checked out," I mean that your thoughts are in the future, and you're not really there for people. We don’t really have the capacity to be a positive influence or to influence the people around us in the way that we would really want to.

You know, if we were intentionally asking ourselves, “How do I want to show up today? How do I want to influence my kids, my spouse, and the people I love the most? How do I want to be and what kind of an influence do I want to have?” The answer is, you're probably not going to be showing up and being that person you want to be when your mind is in the future thinking about things that you don’t want to have happen.

So we’re just not there to set a good example or be a good leader when we’re stuck in the future with thoughts about things that are causing us so much angst, frustration, and stress.

Worrying also affects our productivity and our outcomes, our results. I mean, if you think about it, if you're constantly replaying thoughts or thinking about all the things you don’t want to happen, and you continue to do that, you're going to create and manifest the things you don’t want to happen.

So, there’s a real truth and reality that thinking about things we don’t want to have happen leads to those things happening. When we’re frozen in our thoughts about the future, we’re also not taking action in the present moment to get the things that we do want.

So, that’s what I mean by a negative—it affects our outcome and results in a negative way. We’re just not making progress toward our goals. We’re not living intentionally. We’re just kind of stuck.

How to Get Unstuck from Worry

Okay, so let’s talk about getting unstuck now. There are three simple steps to stop worrying. Originally, this wasn’t my idea. I heard it from Rom Chomko. Rom... I’ll try that again... Ron Chomko taught me this with one of my first jobs. I believe this originally came from Dale Carnegie, in a book he wrote called How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. He wrote that in 1944.

And so, as long as this formula has been around, not very many people know about it. I want to make sure I share it with you today and that you get the memo on it.

Step 1: Determine the Worst-Case Scenario

The first step to stop worrying is to determine what the worst-case scenario is.

So think about the thing that you don’t want to have happen, that you’re so worried about. Whatever that thing is, maybe you’re worried about how your kids are going to turn out. Maybe you're worried about the harm that can come to them with the decisions they’re making. Maybe you're worried about whatever it is, right? We all worry about something.

If you're excessively worrying about anything, or if you're worrying and you don’t want to worry, the first step is to determine what the worst-case scenario is. Okay?

I gave an example with my horse today in a weekly video that I do, and I have a two-year-old horse that I’m going to step on for the first time. Now, I’ve had some thoughts about: I have worried about things I don’t want to have happen in this example. One of the things I worried about was, well, what’s going to happen?

I went through all the things that could go wrong on this first ride on this mare. Right? And so, I was just worrying, and I wasn’t doing anything. I’m just worrying and worrying and worrying. I’m not making progress. Nothing’s changing. It’s just that things are probably getting worse from inaction.

Okay, so I thought to myself, I did the first step. So, the first step is to determine the worst-case scenario. I said, "Shane, what’s the worst-case scenario in this thing you’re worrying about?" And I said, well, right now the worst-case scenario is I fall off. I get on for the first ride and somehow I fall off. I get bucked off. She jumps out from underneath me, and I hit the ground. Okay? So, that would be the worst-case scenario that I can think of.

Step 2: Resolve to Accept the Worst-Case Scenario

So, that's step one. Step two is to resolve to accept the worst-case scenario. Okay? You accept the fact that if the worst-case scenario happens, you’re going to survive. You’re going to be okay. You know, it’s not going to be the end of the world, and that you will, in fact, be able to go on. It’s just going to be a big deal—maybe, maybe not—but you’re going to survive it. Okay? You just accept the fact.

Resolve to say to yourself and really agree inside yourself and fully accept that if the worst-case scenario happens, you're still going to be okay. Okay, that’s step two.

This one might require a little bit of time, a little bit of thought. What I mean by "time" is just think about it, okay? And then just really kind of visualize that thing happening, as bad and as painful as it might be. And then just realize and see that even if it does happen, you're still going to survive. You’re going to find a way to keep on going and press on, even if it does happen.

That’s step two. So I said to myself, okay, fine. I hit the dirt, and she runs off, and now she thinks that’s the way life is when somebody gets on her back. And so, I’ve got all that to deal with, and maybe I got hurt, maybe I didn’t. But I thought to myself, no matter what happens, if I hit the dirt—and I’ve hit the dirt plenty of times already...

You know what I'm saying? In my lifetime, I've fallen off or got bucked off. I mean, I've ridden a lot of horses and I've come off a lot of horses. And if it's the next one, I’ll be just fine too. Or I’ll figure it out. I know that I’ll make it through it. Okay. So, I determine that in my head. That’s step two.

Step 3: Take Action to Avoid the Worst Case

Step three is now to get unfrozen and take action. Okay? So, step three is to do everything in my power to make sure that worst-case scenario doesn’t happen. Everything within my control that I can do.

So, I take action. I stop. And so, what I did is, like, even today I’m out there and I’m doing my prep on the mare and doing all the things, all the measures that I know to train and prep, prepare a horse for the first ride. That’s what I’m doing in my example.

So, whatever your example is, you just start taking action and you do everything that you can possibly do to make sure that worst-case scenario doesn’t happen.

Why This Process Works

There are a few things that this process does. First of all, it takes you eventually, on the third step, from being stuck in the future and brings you into the present, taking action toward avoiding—or doing your best to avoid—the worst-case scenario. And even if it does happen, you’ve already resolved that you can handle it.

This helps you stop the worry process. It changes your focus to the present and what you can do, and you start moving forward. You start moving forward toward your goals and you end up getting better results. Plus, you just feel better. Worrying is just so uncomfortable and it’s painful.

I agree with Ron wholeheartedly. It is a misuse of time. And it has such negative impacts on ourselves, our health, and the people around us that it’s just something we want to be aware of and that we don’t want to be doing. It doesn’t help our kids. It doesn’t help us have good outcomes. It doesn’t help our futures. It’s just not a good use of time.

The Real Meaning of Worrying

So, let me just summarize the message about worrying. First of all, learning and knowing what worrying is and just being aware. Worrying is thinking thoughts... What am I doing? I’m thinking about stuff that might not even happen, but could happen, and I’m thinking about the future. Okay, may or may not happen. I’m just sitting here thinking about things that I don’t want to have happen. That’s what worrying is.

Then, we need to know that it’s not something... I guess we just need to resolve that it’s something that we don’t want to do, right? So if we can recognize it, we know that it’s not good for us or the people around us.

So, the next step is that we can apply these three steps.

Quick Recap: The 3-Step Formula to Stop Worrying

Quick recap:

1. Determine the worst possible-case scenario in the thing that we’re worrying about.
2. Step two is to resolve to accept that if the worst-case scenario happens, accept it, know that you’ll get through it.
3. Step three is to take action to do everything within your control to make sure that worst-case scenario doesn’t happen.

Okay, that’s the formula to stop worrying. If you implement these three steps, here’s the deal: you will likely end up having more peace in your heart and in your mind, and you’ll end up having fewer of the negative side effects that worrying has on our mental and physical health. And they are substantial.

Hey, thank you for taking your time to be here with me today. And remember, you cannot fail if you Don’t Ever Stop Chasing It.