Podcast Episode 113 Transcript: The Freedom I Saw Through the Prison Window

Learn why trust is the foundation of leadership and how the "Judge the Work, Protect the Person" principle drives results.

Self-Reliant Teams and Leadership Influence

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this episode of the Self-Reliant Team Podcast. My name is Shane Jacob, your host, and I thank you for taking your time to be here with me today.

Talking today about self-reliant teams, meaning that, like, what exactly does the self-reliant team mean when I say self-reliant team?

So just the idea that people aren't self-directed, like they don't, they don't, not that they don't need to interact with other human beings. What exactly I mean is that people that require less emotional management. What that means is they coexist with people and have easier relationships, they get along better with less people friction, less drama, less people problems. Okay.

And the reason that they do that is because they feel psychologically safe. They feel better about themselves in the environment. Really, it comes from influence from leaders. That's what makes the difference, is the influence that our people get from us. We can't control them. They have their own free will. We want them to do what the hell we want them to do so we can drive this company forward, so we can be profitable, so we can reach our goals, so we can make an impact, and all the things of why we're here.

Which, the bottom line, the reason that we are here when it comes to work and workplaces and careers and the organization that you're involved in, is to increase the quality of your life, I hope. And the thing, the thing of it is, it's the exact same goal as the people that we lead have. They're there to increase the quality of their lives. So if we can learn to, as leaders, if we can learn to use our influence and how do we use our influence? Really, it's like what comes out of us. It's like how we relate to the world.

We're not going to control the other people, like I said. So, what can we do? What we can do is we can look at ourselves and focus on ourselves. That's what's going to make the difference.

The difference, the reason that you have super high-performing teams, is because of how those people are treated by their leaders. Period.

They have to have some pretty good raw material to start with, meaning you have to have capable people that have experience, and all that is helpful and it's needed, and you have to have systems. There's a lot of pieces to put together an exceptional group of people to coexist. But according to me, and science by the way, our influence is going to have the biggest impact on the results that we get from our people. Period.

Personal Leadership Story

So today, today, I want to talk about something that I don't talk about very much at all. Matter of fact, I didn't talk about it, I didn't talk about it, for about 20-plus years at all to anyone ever. And that's about me and my personal story.

And I share part of it today not for shock and awe, not for any other reason other than I know that some of the things I've been through other people relate to in different ways. But, like, the same, you may feel the same way. You may have the same, not the exact same circumstance, but the same problem with a different circumstance. And the things that I have went through and learned are certainly helpful if you're in any of those situations. And those, those situations are human, of the human experience.

And let me just tell you what I mean. I'll just tell you a little bit of my story from, well, a long time ago when I was much younger than I am now. And I remember standing at a very, very small window. I want to say it was about four inches tall and about two, two and a half feet wide. And the glass was very thick, about an inch and a half thick, I'm guessing, and it had wire crossed through the glass. The kind of window that was designed to let you see freedom, but not touch it.

Prison, Consequences, and Lost Freedom

As I looked through this window, I was in Indian Springs, Nevada, in the state prison. Not as a visitor, as an inmate. The consequences of my drinking and driving had finally caught up with me.

Now, I had red hair as a kid. I know it's hard to imagine now because I have little or no hair and it's gray. But I did, and I have very fair skin, pretty light complexion. And just let me say, an orange jumpsuit and me would did not go together. Okay, definitely a clash, not in my colored wheel, to say the least.

Anyway, as I looked out this window, I could see the lights of the cars down on Highway 95 going back and forth. And I, and I thought to myself, I thought, those people are in those cars. They're going wherever they want, doing whatever they want. And here I am stuck. Ashamed and afraid.

I will forever be a second-class citizen, permanently less than normal people. I thought my life was doomed. And I, the truth of it was, I hadn't just lost my freedom. I had lost my belief that I deserved a future.

And when you believe you're broken, you start living like that. I will promise you that's the way it works.

Life Inside Prison

There were some pretty rough times inside that prison. Prison, let me tell ya, it might have been the first day I was there. I'm pretty sure it was the first day. If not, it was the second. And I woke up to a lot of noise in the hallway outside of my cell. I was in a two-man cell at the time.

And the door to the hallway had a little window in it. Again, it's a smaller, I wanna say it's about a six-inch square, maybe eight-inch square window, that out into the hall with about inch-and-a-half-thick glass with wire crossed through it.

Anyway, I heard, we heard, me and whoever my cellmate was heard the noise in the hall, and we went over to the window and both tried to see what all the ruckus was out there. And there was a bunch of guards running around, people yelling and shouting, and directly across the hall they opened up a door, another cell door directly across the hall cell from the hallway from our cell.

And the guards opened up the door, and there was an inmate that was swinging by his neck by electrical cords from the ceiling. And at that point, I don't think anybody knew if somebody had forced him to be hung, or if he had hung himself. And what he or they had done was go into the, they broke into the light fixture in the ceiling and pulled down enough electrical wire to make a noose, and then he either hung himself or was someone hung him, and he was hanging there dead.

So that was day one. And there was a lot of, there was a lot of ugly ugliness inside that prison that I won't go into deeper.

The Internal Prison After Release

But I can tell you that what I believed about me and, like what I said, when you believe you're broken, you start living like that. Because after I was released, you know, I would, I would walk into rooms just feeling less than everyone else there.

And every mistake I made was proof. Every failed relationship confirmed that I was deficient, that I was less than. I had my freedom, but I could not escape the internal prison that I made for myself.

And my thinking led me down this long, long trail of alcoholism, failed marriages, failed businesses. And those were the good times. Okay. It got worse.

I was in the middle of a divorce after 17 years, losing half of everything. So I did what any reasonable person would do. I, I decided to talk to my horse about it, is what I did.

And at this point, you know, I had been, I had been drinking consistently for over twenty years every day. Okay. My thinking just, there were so many people that suffered because of my thinking. And I think this is a very valid point that I would like, if you're listening for this, for you to understand that.

The Cost of Destructive Thinking

This isn't a woe-is-me story. This is the results of my decisions not only damaged, permanently damaged my life, but they permanently had a negative effect on so many, so many other people. To such a big degree, it was extreme. Not only for the crime that I committed with my drinking and driving.

And the gravity of that and all the suffering that happened there was so extreme. But my thinking caused the suffering to continue with all the people that I had relationships with, my kids, their non existent relationships because I was drinking so much. My marriage just never was solid and ended up in a terrible divorce after 17 years, and so many people in between that I just wasn't able to connect with, and the the the results of my thinking had just a horrific effect on so many other people.

So, you know, a lot of times I guess my point here is I wasn't aware of it, that that truly that my thinking was the cause of all this, was the cause of so much suffering with the people around me. I wasn't aware of it, and it wasn't, it wasn't all about me, you know?

And it was a lot of times I, you know, at at some point I was thinking, well, I just don't deserve it. I don't deserve to have a good life. I don't deserve to have an exceptional life. I don't deserve to have the abundance that's available in this world. I'll never afford it. And it's something that I need to do, is my duty is to live a a less than life. So somehow I'm paying this penance for what I've done, and it's going to make up for my original crime.

Well by nothing made up for my original crime. Okay. The only thing that was going to make up for that is is God and the atonement of Jesus Christ, and nothing else, okay, could could solve that. And certainly not me and my thinking, or not and my behaving as if I were damaged goods, was not helping. It was doing nothing but make things worse, and that's the point.

Lessons From a Horse Named Rex

Anyway, so there I was talking to this horse. And now let me just tell you, horses, you want to think that they're really great, they're just really not that good listeners. You know, all they really want to do is like eat and be left alone. But anyway, there I was talking to my horse Rex.

And we had a pretty good thing going, me and Rex. And you know, I couldn't keep a decent relationship to save my life with a person, with another person, but it was different with these horses. Horses trusted me. They trusted me more than I trusted myself.

Now, a horse, if you're not familiar with horses, a horse is 1200 pounds of feeling. They sense everything about you, they sense your fear, your anger and your shame. They know what you're thinking before you do.

The rest of my life was a disaster, but I could do pretty amaze, I could do amazing things with horses. Why? How come it was working out so well there and not so well everywhere else?

And the answer was trust. Horses knew they were safe with me. They trusted that I would be fair. There was a consequence. You know, there were consequences in my relationships with horses for what they did, there was a consequence, but they knew I wouldn't hold it against them. That I judged, only judged what they did without condemning who they were. I was patient or tried to be patient, not in a perfect way, but I was patient with horses, but more brutal with my own assessments about myself.

And what I was doing for horses is something that I hadn't learned to do for myself.

Breaking Free and Rebuilding Life

And that as I was talking to Rex, I, I paused and in that moment I realized that my life was being determined by how I judge myself as a person. And in that moment I knew that I needed to change.

And by the grace of God and the help of horses, I finally broke free. Over the next twelve months, I quit drinking. It's been over ten years now. I lost 35 pounds, kept it off. I got remarried again. Okay. Number four. They say the ninth time's a charm. Kidding.

I quit tobacco. I started another business. I ran a half marriage. Got my financial orders back in financial orders back in a decent shape and got out of debt.

And that experience is the foundation of my book, The One Horse Race. It's the foundation of my speaking and training business. Because as a business trainer, what I see and what I know that people need in the workplace is the exact same thing horses need.

The Worth Work Principle

And that is trust. I I call it the Worth Work Principle where we judge the work and protect the person. Because when people feel safe from personal judgment, they're less defensive, they're more accountable, and more engaged.

And you can see it in people's faces, they come out of their shells and it works. Okay. And these changes, they save companies money.

From Prison Cell to Purpose

Been a long time, been a long time since I was in that jail cell. And it's seems like it's been it's been a long time. It's been over a decade now since since I quit drinking. And that was a miracle by itself because I was drinking enough that it's a miracle I'm even still alive.

I mean I drank every day without fail. I'm a hundred percenter. And I mean I drank a lot. I didn't just have a few drinks extra.

I had, you know, I was averaging over twenty-four beers every twenty-four hours, day in and day out for over twenty years. And it seems like unbelievable to even say that. And it seems like how could that even be? But it it it's true. That's the way it was. Every day.

And that's just a horrible way to live. Waking up every day knowing that you're you're living against your values because I knew it wasn't right and I just continued to do it day in and day out. And that's hard on your brain. It's hard on your identity of who you think you are and what you believe about yourself.

Judge the Work, Protect the Person

Sometimes I still think back to that young boy standing at that prison window.

Watching the headlights disappear down highway ninety. He was convinced his life was over. Convinced that what he had done per permanently defined him. But he was wrong.

Because when we let what we do become our identity, we're stuck. We're stuck in relationships. We're stuck in the workplace. And within ourselves.

Horses, horses taught me something that I believe that people desperately need. And maybe someone listening here today needs to hear it the same way that I once did.

And that is this. We're accountable for what we do. Okay. But no matter what we do, and I mean no matter what we do, you hearing me? No matter what we do or don't do or what's been done to us, nothing can change your perfect worth.

Judge the work, protect the person.

Podcast Closing

Thank you, my friends, for being here with me today. You can find out more at shanejacob.com. Appreciate you checking out our podcast.

Got some exciting guests coming up over the next few months here on the podcast. We'll see you soon. Stay with me.

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How Self-Worth Affects Workplace Behavior

Why do employees become defensive, hide mistakes, or avoid feedback? In this episode, Shane Jacob shares the personal story that led to the Worth Work System and explains how self-worth shapes workplace behavior. Learn why people often protect themselves instead of improving, how leaders unintentionally contribute to the problem, and why separating a person's worth from their work creates stronger accountability, better communication, and more self-reliant teams.

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