If relationships feel heavy or unfulfilling, this message explores how believing your value can transform connection, love, and emotional well-being.
Introduction: Why So Many Relationships Feel Unfulfilling
Welcome to this week's You are Destined for Greatness. You know, there's a lot of us that are just not real happy in our relationships. You know, I've noticed it. I am one. I have been one. I'm not currently right now. But there's been times in my life where for a long period of time I was unhappy in my relationships. And I hear a lot about so many of us are for, or just so unhappy.
The Human Need for Connection and Belonging
And the thing about it is is we need people. You know, we need to feel like we belong. We need to feel like we're important. We need to feel, we need to have, feel like that we connect with other people. Like Bray Brown said that what human beings are hardwired for a connection. And so when we don't feel that we have this unity in our relationships, uh, we're unhappy. There's a lot of suffering around it.
Where Most People Look for Relationship Solutions
Um, I'm going to give you a tip here that's going to, it's, it's going to help you, okay? Because my podcast this week was on check. You're going to want to check it out. It's a good one. It's on the strength to love, okay? Because a lot of times we're looking out there for the solution, for them, the other part, the person in the relationship that we're unhappy with it, they'd just do what we want them to. Everything would be fine, you know, but they keep not doing it. So we're unhappy.
Understanding the Real Strength Behind Healthy Relationships
What I'm talking about is having the strength, okay, to, and it doesn't come out as strength. You don't have to white knuckle it, and it's not, you're not like exhibiting strength. But where the actual strength, where the actual power, where the actual way to be in a relationship and have more fulfillment comes from is it comes from here, okay?
How Self-Value Shapes Relationship Conflict
Most of the time the reason that we're unhappy in the relationship is because we're making meaning out of what the other person is doing has something to do with us. And we're in the relationship judging everything that they do and what that means about our own value. And so that's why we're defensive. That's why there's so all the stuff.
Separating Self-Worth From Behavior
When we become less reliant on other people is we increase the way that we think about our own value. When we increase our own self love and move towards an unconditional loving belief about our self, okay, and that when we separate our value from our behavior, from all the things that we do, it makes us to where when we accept ourselves, okay, and when I separate my behavior from my value i do the thing to other people.
I, then I can look at them and just say oh you did that thing you're still 100% I still love you.
Why This Mindset Changes Everything
There's a hundred ways why that this works to improve your relationships and in this a couple minute video, there is not enough time to go through them all , but here's what I can tell you that's important if you commit. Okay, and this isn't something we've talked about this in detail, but this is not something that you're going to get and check off the checklist and it's going to be done and move on.
The Commitment to Building a Loving Relationship With Yourself
But if you will commit, okay, just consider the idea and then if you will commit, okay, to pursuing a loving relationship with yourself, if you will commit to the idea of developing the belief that you are 100% valuable, okay, that your value is, your perfect value is non-negotiable, if you will commit to that idea.
Why This Is an Ongoing Practice
And by the way like I said it's not something that you get done, “I got that thing done, Shane. What's next?” It's something that is an ongoing thing, here's why. Because right now right this very moment the things that you're doing and the things that are happening to you your life experience is all being input into the supercomputer up here and you, your brain, whether you're aware it or not, it's making meaning about your value in relationship to everything that's happening.
Developing Awareness and Intention
So therefore, what I'm saying is, is as we go throughout life, we need to have the awareness and the intention.
It doesn't take a whole hell of a lot of time. It's developing a habit in developing a belief, in strengthening a belief, that your value is 100%, okay?
Strengthening Beliefs That Support Healthy Relationships
And this idea of separating all the things that you do and they're done to you from your value, keeping those two separate. Those are ideas. Those are belief systems. And as you internalize them, it automatically gives you the strength and the perspective to have better relationships.
What Changes When Your Perspective Changes
I'm telling you this, you know why? You're going to be happier if you do this. You will be astounded at how the outside, how people change. I mean, they finally changed.
I was, they wouldn't change and I was so damn unhappy and then I started working in here and they all changed.
Now, maybe they didn't, but my perspective changed, okay? And everything wasn't muddied up. It was so much clearer and so much more easier and so much more.
The Strength to Love and Emotional Well-Being
All of a sudden I had more strength of love, and that's what we're looking for. That's what emotional well mental well-being is all about is being able to more deeply connect more deeply feel like we belong and more deeply feel like we're important or we're significant and it all comes from what's going on up here.
Closing Message
You got this, my friends. Stay with me. You Are Destined For Greatness.
